onionworld :: a place of my own

Thursday, August 25, 2005

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**It Is Now 5:24 AM**

its already quite late now and i'm still awake...and what a time to choose to blog. i can't help it i guess, things just keep popping up in my head, thinking, pondering, wondering.... i have a problem with sleeping with a full loaded working brain. i start thinking when i lie down trying to sleep. ideas pop out of no where, and most of them are silly but usually ideas mostly for my assignments. its really irritating at times when i have to wake up early the next day...getting less sleep and crappy ideas...

chatting with a friend a while ago has made me think alot. its been ages since i last caught up with her and yes i really did learn of many events that happened since i last saw her during summer break early this year. she i can say is "fully contented and successful". i just can't believe it when she told me that she worked two jobs, one as a tuition teacher to help a friend out and the other as a supervisor for an advertising company, all in all while handling her university studies, society clubs, a loving boyfriend and a very healthy social life meeting up with friends for events and etc.

she now has her own place, her own car, a job, a loving partner and studies going well. well, she does find it hard to cope with so much in her life but she's doing a good job in my opinion. it just blew me away to think of the amount of things she handles in her everyday life...

what she has achieved is so much more than what i have achieved so far...in comparison...i felt so useless. what i have now is just university studies, ltc and ocf to juggle. does that count much? that only counts for 2 out of the 4 things that my friend mentioned...

i guess u can say that i'm not giving my all in yet...and i know i should. sometimes i feel so foreign here in melbourne. it is where i am and where i've adapted to...but i'm still not fully embracing the fact that i can grab it just as easy as i can go anywhere in sitiawan...

i'm loosing out on lots of stuff by the way i am now...i miss the company of the friends that know me inside out left and right. old friends know you best. yes, but i am here they are there...and they have moved on with new friends as well. it wouldn't be wise to dig to the past and relive the old...

people who knows me would read this and realise that i have have kept a part of myself within me. it would be obvious to those that are new in my life. it takes time for me to be me. it takes more than a while to be me. it takes some patience to know me as myself.

writing this out loud helped me realise the fool that i am...a hermit still living in his shell eventhough swept away by the ocean flow to a new found paradise...

blogged on a very lousy day where my pc decided to ran amok to be reformated four times, with a frustrating assignment partner, with an unfinished work, with a pc which is not yet fully fixed, with heavy eyes, with stiff neck and class in three and a half hours time...
it is now 5:52 AM ... bedtime ...

Here I Am @ 5:24 AM